The happy-happy joy-joy stuff comes from people who do nothing tangible, but have some amorphous assignment like āSeller Relationship Managersā. These are the kind of people who come up with pizza on Friday rather than promised bonuses, and come up with almost every possible inducement to be a public school teacher EXCEPT to pay a living wage.
I ran into these folks when AT&T decided to rename itself āLucentāā¦
Tool: ā¦so we want you all to fly up to DC for our big party to celebrate the name change, and stay the weekendā¦
Me: What about those who cannot come due to the need to continue to collect data from in-progress experiments? Ya know, they call us āBell Labsā because we have actual laboratories where people do stuff that does not stop happening on Friday at 5pmā¦
Tool: Oh, EVERYONE must come - its mandatory.
Me: But thereās 5,000 people here - Iām not sure, but I bet we can only fly about 1,000 per day, as there are a limited number of airplane seats availableā¦
Tool: I had no idea your division was so large - we will send you a party kit to celebrate locally.
Me: āParty Kitā? Does that include some budget money for food and beverages of an alcoholic nature? I know what we spent for last yearās Christmas bash, so I can email you the numbersā¦
Tool: Oh NO! I meant Lucent-branded ball caps, beer-can cozies, tee-shirts, that sort of thing. We donāt have any budget to feed anyone.
Me: But you had money to fly people to DCā¦
Tool: No, we donāt - that would come out of each divisionās existing travel budgetā¦
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