PAlex
In reply to: Glenn_Amazon’s post
4 hours ago
Ode to Account Health (A Seller’s Survival Poem)
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I once ignored my Account Health page,
Said “I’ll check it later, I’m too engaged.”
Then Amazon wrote me a lovely note:
“Your selling privileges?” — and I quote —
“Are hanging by a thread, you silly goat.”
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So now I check my dashboard every day,
Before my coffee, before I pray,
Before I curse at PPC spend,
Before my profit margins meet their end.
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ODR rising? That’s a deadly sin.
Late shipment rate? Don’t let it creep back in.
Valid tracking numbers on every box —
Or Bezos sends you straight to Seller Detox.
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Got a policy warning? Don’t you hide!
Respond so fast it hurts your pride.
A Plan of Action, humble and true:
“Dear Amazon, here’s what I’ll do for you.”
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Keep your invoices in a sacred file,
Organized and ready, single-file.
'Cause when they ask “Prove this product’s legit,”
You don’t want to answer back with “…uhh… wait a bit.”
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Don’t let your auto-repricer run amok,
Or you’ll wake up to a price of just one buck,
An IP complaint, a listing that’s suppressed,
And a blood pressure reading that’s… not blessed.
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Account Health isn’t glamorous, I know,
No one’s bragging 'bout it at the show.
But the sellers still standing after years?
They check that dashboard, face their fears,
And whisper softly, sipping on their beers:
“Zero defects. Zero violations. Cheers.” 