Dear Hotel Customer: Please Stop Kicking the Front Desk

Just for fun!
1

Kinda reminds me of selling on Amazon…

“Dear Hotel Customer: Please Stop Kicking the Front Desk” essay from May 23, 2024 WSJ.

"Our team would love to assist you with any charges you wish to dispute on your hotel bill. We are thrilled you chose to stay with us and we’re certain there is a perfectly good explanation as to why your visit ended up costing “five times as much” as you thought it would. Our amenities program is in place to ensure you have an extraordinary experience, and as you know: The best things in life don’t come free.

As a valued member of our hotel family, you are entitled to understand that our Resort and Destination Fees cover an array of services by our gourmet chefs, personal trainers and massage professionals. These were available to you around the clock. It is certainly not their fault that you didn’t pay them a visit, or in fact know that they existed.

I understand it is upsetting you, but the daily $16 Wi-Fi Fee could have been avoided by signing up for our hotel’s loyalty program, which includes access to our lobby and complimentary Wi-Fi at the low rate of $17 a night.

As for the Minibar and Snack Charges, it doesn’t matter that you didn’t eat the snacks. According to our sensors, the food items were repositioned and are thus considered consumed. That is not “weird.” What’s “weird” is moving snacks around in the refrigerator and not eating any.

I’m going to request that you stop yelling about the In-Room Cocktail Station Fee. Yes, the In-Room Cocktail Station could be called a “regular table,” but its intended use is to create craft cocktails. We unfortunately can’t force you to enjoy your vacation to the max, but we can charge as if you did.

To maintain our exemplary standards, we must incorporate a Personal Care and Toiletries Charge. While the toilet-paper roll didn’t explicitly say that it cost $5, it didn’t explicitly say “free,” either. I disagree with your characterization of our business practices as “garbage,” but I will point out that refuse services are not included in the Personal Care and Toiletries Fee.

If you would stop kicking the front desk for just a moment, I can give you more information about the In-Room Bag Storage Fee. The initial cost was for access to the hotel room—this fee ensures the safeguarding of personal belongings in the room when you step away from your ‘home away from home.’ If you don’t think that is worth a measly $57 a day, then you must not value your possessions as much as we do.

I feel your pain, but there is no way that we can waive the Shared Walkway Fee, especially considering the amount of luggage you transported to and fro. Oof—did you take the stairs? No? Then we’re going to have to tack on the Elevator Upkeep Charge. That is an additional $8 a day.

We take negative reviews on travel advisory sites seriously and we don’t doubt your influence among the 30-odd family members, friends and former co-workers on your Facebook page. We must insist that we’ve been completely transparent about our pricing, including the fee for the Room Circulation Device (yes, “the window”), and the other charges. Just look where it says, “Other.”

We sincerely thank you for paying the amount due and are truly saddened to hear that you intend to never return. To make up for this experience, we wish to offer you 10% off another stay at our hotel. We hope you will take the time to enjoy the In-Room Cocktail Station, of course."

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2

Yep.

Or flying.

:woman_facepalming::angry::sweat:

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3

Reminds me of this joke:

The Hotel Bill

An elderly lady decided to give herself a big treat for her significant birthday by staying overnight in one of London’s most expensive hotels. When she checked out next morning, the desk clerk handed her a bill for £250.00.

She exploded and demanded to know why the charge was so high. “It’s a nice hotel but the rooms certainly aren’t worth £250.00 for just an overnight stop without even breakfast.”

The clerk told her that £250.00 is the ‘standard rate’ so she insisted on speaking to the Manager.

The Manager appeared and forewarned by the desk clerk announced: “The hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference center which are available for use.”
“But I didn’t use them,” she said.
“Well, they are here, and you could have,” explained the Manager.

He went on to explain that she could also have seen one of the in-hotel shows for which the hotel is famous. “We have the best entertainers from Edinburgh, Glasgow, and Aberdeen performing here,” the Manager said.
“But I didn’t go to any of those shows,” she said.
“Well, we have them, and you could have,” the Manager replied.

No matter what amenity the Manager mentioned, she replied, “But I didn’t use it!”

The Manager was unmoved, so she decided to pay, wrote a check and gave it to the Manager.

The Manager was surprised when he looked at the check. “But madam, this check is only made out for £50.00.”
“That’s correct. I charged you £200.00 for sleeping with me,” she replied.
“But I didn’t!” exclaimed the very surprised Manager.
“Well, too bad, I was here, and you could have.”

Don’t mess with Senior Citizens

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And that part reminds me of the old “Roseanne” TV shows, when she worked in the diner.

The sign on the wall would randomly change from “We reserve the right to refuse service to anyone” to “We reserve the right to serve refuse to anyone.”

You had to be quick to catch it.

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A story from long ago.

I was staying at the fabulous Chateau Frontenac in Quebec for a meeting, perhaps the most over-the-top hotel on Earth. Bell Labs had put me on a floor that had its own concierge at a desk by the elevator 24 x 7. He and I would exchange pleasantries each day, and every day he would ask if he could do anything for me. I had no requests, as the schedule was tightly packed (as usual, I was almost a prisoner of circumstance for the entire trip, despite being claimed to be “the boss”).

On the 3rd day, when he asked, I said - yes, I DO have a request - both knobs in the shower are labeled “C”, and while I know that the hot is always on the left, and the cold on the right, someone else might not know that, and scald themselves, as your hot water is very nice and hot.

He did not even blink, did not skip a beat -

“Oh, Monsieur”, he replied “We are a BILINGUAL Hotel, as this is Quebec, and everything must be in BOTH French and English - the one ‘C’ is for ‘Cold’, in English, and the other is for ‘Chaud’, “hot” in French!”

I swear, he must have swapped the knobs himself, just so he could tell that joke. Damn, he was smooth.

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That hotel is incredible. We were content enough just having crepes at the cafe across the street and just looking at it for breakfast. Quebec City is so underrated. One of the most beautiful cities in North America.

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We usually do Montreal when we’re in Quebec but are planning on Quebec City (either alone or with Montreal) on our next visit.

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In Mexico H is cold ( Hielo) and C is hot ( Caliente). (Or so they claimed, when I so helpfully reported they had them backwards…).

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Fahrenheit is about how people feel
Celsius is about how water feels
Kelvin is about how atoms feel

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Blockquote
Kelvin is about how atoms feel.

Absolutely.

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Had the order been …

Kelvin
Fahrenheit
Celsius

or KFC for short … your post might have garnished more attention …

just saying …
:wink:

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Maybe… but considering the order FCK… one can only imagine how we peasants are thought of…

just saying
:wink:

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Just came across this and thought it was funny…

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