Lighten Up!

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Why, what a good idea!

I never posted this on the other thread as it is quasi-religious. Some of this really hits home – that’s exactly how I learned it…

It comes from a Catholic elementary school test. Kids were asked questions about the old and new testaments. The following statements about the bible were written by children. They have not been retouched nor corrected:

In the first book of the Bible, Guinessis. God got tired of creating the world so he took the Sabbath off.

Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree.

Noah’s wife was Joan of ark.

Noah built an ark and the animals came on in pears.

Lots wife was a pillar of salt during the day, but a ball of fire during the night.

The jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble with unsympathetic ■■■■■■■■.

Sampson was a strongman who let himself be led astray by a jezebel like Delilah.

Samson slayed the philistines with the axe of the apostles.

Moses led the Jews to the Red Sea where they made unleavened bread which is bread without any ingredients.

The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert. Afterwards, Moses went up to Mount Cyanide to get the ten commandments.

The first commandments was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple.

The seventh commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery.

Moses died before he ever reached Canada. Then Joshua led the Hebrews in the battle of geritol.

The greatest miricle in the bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still and he obeyed him.

David was a Hebrew king who was skilled at playing the liar. He fought the Finkelsteins, a race of people who lived in biblical times.

Solomon, one of Davids sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.

When Mary heard she was the mother of Jesus, she sang the magna carta.

Jesus was born because Mary had an immaculate contraption.

St. John the blacksmith dumped water on his head.

Jesus enunciated the golden rule, which says to do unto others before they do one to you. He also explained a man doth not live by sweat alone.

The people who followed the lord were called the 12 decibels.

The epistels were the wives of the apostles

One of the oppossums was st. Matthew who was also a taximan.

St. Paul cavorted to christianity, he preached holy acrimony which is another name for marraige.

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Anyone want to go in with me to send a $25 rodent to Mod Jim? :laughing: :laughing:

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Only if I get to watch him eat it…

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Only if I get to watch him eat it…

That will cost $150. Anyone have a contact email for Jim? Wouldn’t it be funny to send the video as an Amazon “case”? :face_with_hand_over_mouth: :face_with_hand_over_mouth:

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How it felt logging in here for the first time

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This is what happens when autocorrect attends Sunday school?

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Telling Amazon newbies that first sale doctrine is meaningless on Amazon and watching them listening :slight_smile:

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iRobot’s latest model post Amazon purchase.

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image

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:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

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there are a couple funny ones right now :slight_smile:

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I had mentioned earlier that I think some of the posts are being made just to screw with the mods, seeing if they will take the posts seriously and try to help.

Speaking of funny… ‘Hold my beer…I can jump it’ :rofl:

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When we ran our local news service we had a “Why not (our home town)” section, it was this type of thing that we would publish there.

Great that we can have links.

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We had no less then half a dozen bridges closed in my area this past summer. Some due to flood damage, some due to age. In the few weeks between closing and work being started on them, people would drive around the signs, then they put down gravel mounds, over them (dukes of hazard style) and finally they slapped a “jersey barrier” down, That stopped them!

We then had to put up signs reminding everyone what a flashing red traffic light means after a few accidents. And lets not start on how many trucks said “but my GPS told me I could go that way” on roads marked “NO TRUCKS”

“Well, it’s Groundhog Day — again — and that must mean that we’re up here at Gobbler’s Knob, waiting for the forecast from the world’s most famous groundhog weatherman, Punxsutawney Phil, who’s just about to tell us how much more winter we can expect.”

its Groundhog Day again

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litter box

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I am sensing some product concepts related to hating your ex in these offerings.

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Capture

For those that wondered what Grogu would have looked like in Van Gogh painted him.

Simply terrifying.

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