Yo … imposter … have you ever caught a lizard?
Ummm
Am I the only one wondering just what it is that is “shiny and goes from 0 to 165 in about 2 seconds” (other than the scale of course) and that somebody would want – a bullet might qualify
Man dares to go where only birds have gone before …
A Lamborghini?
Whatever it is, it is much more expensive than any car that I have any interest in buying and a LITTLE faster than any that I have owned.
I topped out my fastest one at about 140 but only because there was a curve coming up and I had to slow down. Sunroof open, windows open and stereo blasting so I could here it. I actually had hair back then too!
Summer fun on the road as long as you live through it…
My wife’s fly swatter when there is a mosquito any where near her …
I am SOOOO saving this as a response to some suspended OA/RA seller on Amazon that never bothered reading anything about what has happened there over the past couple years (Silent what’s his face followers come to mind) …
4 posts were merged into an existing topic: Training the NSFE mods
“Short” Story and true …
Took the wife to her doctor appointment last Monday.
Nurse is checking her in … gets her weight and then asks “How tall are you?”
Wife … “5 foot 8 1/2 inch”
Nurse starts to write in on the card and then stops … looking bewildered.
Me … “Honey what did you say?”
Wife … “5 foot 8 1/2 inch”
Me … “Honey how tall are you?”
Wife … “5 foot 8 1/2 inch”
Nurse looks at me (the nurse was probably 5 foot 9 inches tall).
Me to the nurse … “She’s 4 foot 8 1/2 inch … but she likes to dream …”
Nurse chuckles.
Wife looks at me … “Ok … 4 foot 8 1/2 inches … you happy now? I did get my name and birthdate right.”
End of “Short” Story
FOR THOSE WHO TAKE LIFE TOO SERIOUSLY
Save the whales. Collect the whole set.
A day without sunshine is like… night.
On the other hand, you have different fingers.
42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
I feel like I’m diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.
I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.
Remember half the people you know are below average.
Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how popular it remains?
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
He who laughs last thinks slowest.
Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
Eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines.
The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.
I intend to live forever - so far so good.
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
Quantum mechanics: The dreams stuff is made of.
The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.
If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism.
Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with.
No one is listening until you make a mistake.
Success always occurs in private and failure in full view.
The colder the x-ray table the more of your body is required on it.
The hardness of butter is directly proportional to the softness of the bread.
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
Change is inevitable except from vending machines.
Plan to be spontaneous - tomorrow.
If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.
How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise my hand.
Quick-on-your-feet is a life skill 
