Hello, and welcome to Amazon Forum Mod Training, day 3!
I see you all have your computers on, that’s good. Now everyone look to your right. That thing attached to the wire? That’s called a “mouse,” nobody knows why. It works like this, click click. Neat right? OK now you all try. Click click, good!
The mouse is used to pick which post you are responding to. Move the mouse until the little arrow thingy is pointing at the post and then, just like we practiced, click click! So easy.
Now look in front of you. That board-like thing with all the scary looking buttons is called a “keyboard,” genius name. Good news, you don’t need most of those buttons, so you can forget about them. The important ones are the “control” key, the “V” and “C” keys. Everything else is for nerds. The control key just says “ctrl” because the manufacturers are cheap and didn’t want to spend the ink, not like Amazon at all.
I’m sure you all remember from our session yesterday on “engagement,” the important thing about posts is that they have responses. Posts with no responses means low engagement on the forum, which means we all get fired, and I’m not gonna let you noobz pull me down, so we need to make sure there are enough responses on the forum.
When someone posts and you need to make sure there is a response, don’t waste time reading some rando whiner’s petty problems about losing all their money or whatever, just drag the mouse from the top of the question down to the bottom, this is called “highlighting”. Don’t worry if you miss parts, it probably isn’t important.
Then it gets tricky, because this is where the keyboard comes in. Without clicking the mouse, press and hold the control key, then cress the C key. Then let go of both. This copies everything you have highlighted. Don’t ask how that works, I don’t know. Something to do with magnets, I think.
Then click on the second screen where we have our cutting edge Amazon AI tool permanently locked open. If you try to close it there is an electric shock built into your chair, so unless you want 5,000 volts in the keyster, I don’t suggest it. Once the pointy thing is blinking in the AI screen, hold control but this time, press the V key. I know C looks like V on it’s side, but they really are different so don’t confuse them. This will copy the highlighted stuff into the AI without ever having to read it. So efficient.
The AI will think for just a few moments because it’s really smart, then it will tell you the best, and only possibly correct response to the seller’s post. Remember to call them sellers in the posts, we only call them fleshy ATM’s in internal communications. Then you reverse the process, copying the AI response onto the forum and racking up those sweet engagement metrics.
I know it sounds complicated, but you all lied convincingly about your skills on your resumes so I’m sure you can handle it, or at least fake it for a while. Just keep in mind that the main point here is engagement so get those posts up. It’s not like anyone is gonna read this stuff anyway.
OK, let’s break into groups and practice this for a while, and then after lunch we will move on to the next engagement tool, Posting Sophomoric Questions to Make Amazon Sound Good.
Tell me I’m wrong.